Hurry the fuck up
14
May
Dear future Ashley: don’t ever let yourself settle because happiness can happen in bunches or days and sometimes that’s all you need.
22
April
I generally make poor decisions that are intended to find some sort of quiet solstice but usually just end up in sex or going to bed at 9 alone.
19
April
I’m so nervous I could puke.
17
April
I hate you for leading me on. I hate you for whistling and rubbing your nose on mine. I hate you for sleeping with me more than once. I hate you for whistling tonight and wakin me up and I hate how I went to you and touched your shoulders and your cock and lips and you said no but pushed into me and touched me there and rubbed my most quiet spot and brushed my lips and said no I’m committed again and again. And I hate how you told me this and told me how you loved her but wouldn’t tell me her name and told me I wouldn’t affect me and how you were a piece of shit but you whistled because you were drunk and horny. And I don’t understand. And I don’t know why. Why didn’t you just tell me at the beginning. Why didn’t you? And how was it do hard to not fucking just TELL me and be fucking honest. Why couldn’t you just be honest?
13
April
I had a dream last night. I was sleeping and it was a few weeks ago. I floated out of my body to the pier and sat, knees to chin, holding them tight, waiting. Staring out at the deep blue. The wind was cold I knew, but I felt nothing. He came to me then. Walking quietly. Tapped me on the shoulder. I turned slowly and told him no moment is any more beautiful than the moment you are truly alive. I don’t know what he said. But he looked so sad I followed him as he jumped. Splashed into the deep blue, swam a hundred feet. Then dove down. The cold hit me then. I touched his nose, knees, wrists. We sank, two dancers spiraling in the depths. When we ceased to move my eyes were open and his were blank. He began to melt away and I was screaming and screaming and screaming.
20
March
I didn’t realize I drunk texted the post before my last. It was surprisingly true given the circumstance.
19
March
Things are going by so quickly and they won’t slow down. I graduate so soon. New apartment. New world. New life. Freedom. Why is it so hard for me to trust people? What end am i looking for?
19
March
Tge truth is I can’t stop crying because I wish you hadn’t killed yourself. I wish you hadn’t died. I wish you hadn’t drowned. I wish I hadn’t died when you jumped in that river because I don’t know who I am anymore.
17
March
he died yesterday. 28/02/2012
29
February
Come home.
27
February
(Source: mantheboundaries)
(Source: shelfassbrah)
I hate this feeling.
17
February
I wish you would fucking answer my texts.
17
February
